I am not real sure how I fit into this group but some how I know I belong. Both my parents drink as if someone was going to quit distilling it tomorrow. They drink until they can't sit up anymore.

As a child I never felt as though I was missing out on anything, rather I had almost everything. I was the girl next to you with designer clothes that her parents paid for and had her own car. I did have a curfew and they were there when I went over it for sure. I know I looked normal. But after my older brother died nothing seemed normal again.

My parents started smoking, of course it started only outside and in the garage in the winter. Always with a cocktail. Never beer, had to be hard liquor. I have come to hate that smell. They now drink at 10:00am is their first drink. Just a small one to get the day going. I think they can make it until four or five PM and then it starts with wild abandon. And If your lucky they will call you on the phone and want to chat about real issues that you know they clearly will not remember come morning. I almost always get that follow-up call the next morning to see if mom or dad said anything that maybe should not have come out.

I now have children of my own and rarely drink, in fear mostly, of turning into them. I feel depressed, lonely, even isolated at times. I refuse to walk where they have walked. They don't talk much to me anymore. I am the one who is making a big deal out of this -- not that they have a problem. I am now "being Dramatic" in the family because I want and need help. They told me the last time I chatted with them never to attempt treatment. I at the time had a friend at Hazelden for alcohol abuse. I look at her and wonder what is her family thinking she hardly drinks at all compared to my family. So instead of saying how bad they felt about my best friend being in treatment it was turned around on me to never even think of going that road with them. Well, guess what I am not going to do? If they can't see it I can not make them.

Barbara