Working The First Step

There are many different ways to work the steps. This is just one of them. It is often helpful to work the steps on a single issue rather on a whole life of experiences to avoid feeling overwhelmed.

It is necessary to understand what powerlessness and unmanageability means. Here we will apply the first step to the issue of control over others. Your goal is to accept on a mental and emotional level (gut level) how your attempts to control others have made your life unmanageable.

These questions are intended as part of an experience that can be shared in your meetings. Remember, it is your feelings that are important to write about and share with others.

The First Step reads: We admitted that we were powerless over the effects of addiction... that our lives had become unmanageable.

In meetings we talk about applying the First Step to what or whomever we are powerless over.

Please write your specific examples of powerlessness and unmanageability for each of the following:

1. In the following ways I have tried to control the behavior and/or feelings of others.

2. Examples of how my own mental state is affected through preoccupation with others

3. In my attempts to control, I have violated my own values or been dishonest in the following ways: (e.g., saying or doing things that violate my values)

4. As the result of endless reactions, heavy mental, emotional and physical prices have been paid such as...

This is hard work and new for most. This initial effort is a good start in the process of letting go and freeing yourself from the inappropriate and self-defeating behavior of the past. It is important, however, to realize that recovery is a process that is progressive. Please be patient in your desire for immediate results but persistent in your efforts to apply your program.

Ask yourself some of these questions as a measurement of your recovery.

1. Do I believe and understand that codependency is a primary illnesses?

2. Do I accept that the family diseases of chemical dependency and codependency are illnesses to each family member and that no one escapes?

3. Do I accept that I am only responsible for myself and that I do not have the power to change anyone else?

4. Do I realize what I provoke in another person when I attempt to change and control that person?

5. Feeling satisfied with my answers to the previous questions, am I willing to let go of my obsession with others and look at me, myself, as I really am?