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Step-By-Step: Daily Meditations for Living the Twelve Steps


Characteristics of Codependency


Following is a commonly used list
of characteristics of codependency.

  1. My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you
     
  2. My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you
     
  3. Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems/relieving your pain
     
  4. My mental attention is focused on you
     
  5. My mental attention is focused on protecting you
     
  6. My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my way
     
  7. My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems
     
  8. My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain
     
  9. My own hobbies/interests are put to one side. My time is spent sharing your hobbies/interests
     
  10. Your clothing and personal appearance are dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me
     
  11. Your behavior is dictated by my desires and I feel you are a reflection of me
     
  12. I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
     
  13. I am not aware of what I want - I ask what you want. I am not aware - I assume
     
  14. The dreams I have for my future are linked to you
     
  15. My fear of rejection determines what I say or do
     
  16. My fear of your anger determines what I say or do
     
  17. I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship
     
  18. My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you
     
  19. I put my values aside in order to connect with you
     
  20. I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own
     
  21. The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours

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